Harlots can't teach
by mousyhairedgirl
Summary: When Gabriel shows up at their hotel for no reason at all with Ruby in tow, Dean, Sam, Bobby and Cas find themselves whisked away to an all girls school in England. This would be Dean's idea of a wet dream except they have work to do. AU.
1. The demonic elephant in the room

_This is the prologue to this fic. _

_It's short I know, but I hope you enjoy it. More shall hopefully come soon. _

_This is dedicated to Rach. She knows why. _

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**Chapter One – The demonic elephant in the room. **

Gabriel wasn't used to being told what to do ...well, of course he wasn't. He hadn't been ordered... forced whatever you preferred to call it, to do anything since he'd abandoned his family, the angels, his family... He didn't like having decisions made for him, instead of by him. He loathed it. Also, the fact that he had to tell a woman that his father had bestowed on her a child without even touching her had also factored into his feelings. He never wanted to do _that _again. He favoured being in control of himself and not a pawn in a larger game.

Today, that was going to change, and not the way that anyone would have ever suspected.

That change came in the form of a petite blonde on his doorstep. "So I heard you're the Angel Gabriel." Gabe glared at the leather clad blonde woman, both suspicious and curious. "I also heard your brother likes hanging out with some old friends of mine... the Winchester brothers." She snickered after she said that, laughing at an unknown joke.

He knitted his brow in worry before allowing her inside, she was starting to attract attention, and that was something he did not want. "Speak." He said as he drew himself to his full height, trying desperately to look impressive. He wasn't sure why he was doing that. After all, she was only an annoying minor demon; he could get rid of her in an instant if he wanted to. He wanted to hear what she had to say. Then she began to speak. Boy, he didn't expect it. He swallowed dryly after she had stated her case. "Why are you telling me this, I should kill you here and now."

The woman laughed bitterly as she drew herself to her full height and blinked, her eyes black as obsidian. "Lives are at risk. Something fucked up is going on over there and I have no clue what it is. " She stopped as she tried to form the sour words that she had to say. " I'm asking for help because I don't know what else to do."

"What did you just say to me demon?" She rolled her eyes as he just stared at her for a few moments. "Are you just going to stand there gawking or are we going to go get those damn Yankee hunters?" Gabriel smirked gleefully as he finally processed what she had told him and what that would entail. "Let me get this straight. You, Ruby, a fully-fledged demon, is asking me, an archangel of the lord for help? Count me in."

They arrived at a worn old motel in South California. Gabriel told her that the boys had been hunting something that had been taking the children at night. It was always the children. Gabe just glared at her before, grinning, teleporting them inside the intended motel room. They were immediately greeted with guns.

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_Reviews are lovely. _


	2. Death isn't what it used to be

**Chapter Two: Death isn't what it used to be. **

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Dean, Sam, and Bobby were positively exhausted from that days' hunt. It had ended only 30 minutes earlier and that was after Castiel had appeared and killed Kerberos. Yes, Kerberos, the three-headed dog that, as Greek myth dictated guarded the gates of Taratos; the Underworld. Well, he had escaped and run rampage through the dreams of children, causing them to kill their families and themselves in their sleep.

They were just about to hit the road when they were greeted with a sight they thought they would never see. Ruby... who had been killed with her own knife... was in her original body and had her hand wrapped around the waist of the Archangel Gabriel in all his glory. That was all they needed to be suspicious. They were both supposed to be dead as a damn doornail. Click. She didn't even look surprised to be faced with a loaded gun.

Ruby grinned as she turned to face them. "Hello boys. Put those damn things down. Yes. I am alive. Got my meatsuit back as well. Not that filthy brunette. I prefer being blonde." She coughed, smirking. "I came with an archangel escort, so no need to think that I'm trying to cause the apocalypse... again. Sorry about that. I really am. Lilith had a way of wrapping demons... well, anyone around her little finger. Plus the fact that she had killed my family to get me to do her bidding." She looked away for a moment and Gabriel snickered, amused at how Ruby seemingly had, and could actually get, what human's would call 'word vomit.'

Ruby stuck up the finger at Gabriel, who put on a face of mock offense. "But anyway. Why I'm here... Got a job for you boys... You interested? It involves a nasty at an All Girls Private School. If you want to hear more, you'll put those damn guns down." Gabriel nodded to one of the occupants, who Ruby remembered as also being an archangel. They put those guns down. All except Sam.

* * *

Dean blinked before pulling out his winning grin. "All girls' school? Let me get this straight. There is a job at a private all girls' school?" He whistled, causing Bobby, ever the sensible one, to whack him on the arm. "Ouch! Damn, I'm in." Typical Dean. That was the easy brother done with... Sam Winchester however was not so convinced. It had been a couple of years by Ruby's reckoning that she'd betrayed him... well everyone really. He'd never really forgive her. She knew that. However, she had come here at the risk she'd be sent straight back down to hell.

She sat down on the bed and crossed her legs, looking down the barrel of the gun Sam had pointed at her. "Sam. Put the gun down. You're making me feel uncomfortable." She tittered nervously. "Look. I know. Okay. I'm a bitch. I double-crossed the lot of you. Lilith murdered not only my husband, but also my 4-year-old daughter and my 1-month-old son. She tortured them in front of me. She laughed as they burnt. She twists you and makes you bend to her beck and call, for that slight hope that she'll let them go."

Her voice broke, the unpleasant memories flooding back. Her voice hardened considerably. "I'm sorry. I am. Please. Trust me on this. You can send me to the pits after you've got the damn monster that's threatening the school." Dean nodded at his brother, who grudgingly, lowered his weapon. "What are we dealing with? And where?"

Gabriel cut in at this point. He'd been having a conversation with Castiel in the corner, their voices low so that the rest may not hear... probably catching up on what had happened since the former's apparent death, which had been of course another trick to hide from his brothers whom he had wanted nothing to do with. "We're dealing with... not sure yet. Something big and definitely nasty... possibly something from the Greek Parthenon. Dean... you'll really like this bit. It's at St. Trinian's school for young ladies. It's in England. Better yet, I can get all us there and not a single plane will have to be involved."

Castiel shook his head at this point. "Why are we doing this... harlot's job?" He looked at Dean, obviously displeased with the eagerness on his face. He spoke harshly. He _really_ didn't like Ruby, especially because she had been instrumental in releasing Lucifer and corrupted the younger Winchester. "She's a filthy demon. One of Lucifer's most loyal followers. She helped cause the apocalypse or had you all forgotten? She needs to be killed, now." Sam looked away nervously, his face a mask of shame, the feelings still quite raw. This was enough to make Bobby finally speak. "She knows the school like the back of her hand. It's an advantage, and right at this point, we don't have many of those. We can exorcise her after." Gabriel shook at his head at his younger brother. "After brother. We shall speak of this after." There was a mixture of undecided sadness and amusement in his voice.

Ruby sighed and tutted at Dean. "My knife. Gimme." She pouted and Dean handed it over to her. She coughed again, just to make sure she had everyone's attention. "Just a warning you lot. This isn't an ordinary school. Anarchy reigns there and that's the way it has to stay. You'll understand once you get there." She paused for a moment, her face flickering from amusement and apathy in seconds. "Oh and you heavenly hosts, try and stay away from the Emo's if you can help it otherwise they may try to dissect you and I don't want to have to explain to the headmistress what happened." Ruby smiled blankly at Castiel and his brother before getting up off the bed, sheathing her knife into her pocket, gently cooing at it. Sam blinked, rubbing at his eyes. This had to be a damn dream. Ruby was back and she was with Gabriel... and looking lovingly at her knife. Creepy. Dean gaped at her. "This is going to be awesome."

Ruby winked before nodding at Gabriel who grinned and began to speak in an authoritarian tone. "Welcome to your flight to St Trinian's School for Young Ladies. Please make sure you have all available weapons on you at all times. Do not bring valuables with you and watch out for the land mines on the hockey field. Thank you and welcome to your destination." Damn, this didn't hurt as much when Castiel did it. They'd arrived. Surprisingly, there was a welcoming committee, and they did not look happy. Dean frowned.

"Where's my damn car Gabriel?"

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_And now it gets interesting.  
_


	3. Harlots can teach after all

**Chapter 3: Harlots can teach after all. **

**

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**"Kelly Jones... I'm head girl..." Well, that's what she would normally say, but today was definitely not normal. Moreover, it had been over a year since she'd graduated, so she wasn't head girl anymore. That was Annabelle Fritton. What could you say about her? Posh Totty with one hell of a right hook.

Then unexpectedly, Annabelle had called her. They'd be out of contact for a couple of months because of the kind of jobs Kelly did working for MI-9. She reminded Kelly of something Polly had told them the day that she left for Stanford University.

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Flashback

_Polly stood in front of St Trinian's nervously picking at her smart clothes. She was leaving today. Her father had finally paid up and now she was heading to Stanford. Not exactly Harvard but it would do for now. Annabelle and Kelly had just put the last of Polly's computer equipment carefully into the back of the taxi awaiting her. "I guess this is goodbye Polls." Annabelle enveloped Polly into a hug._

_Polly coughed slightly which made Annabelle pull away. She looked the two girls in the eye. "Something bad is coming Kells." She said nervously, her voice nothing but a whisper. "Something real bad. Everything's changed now. Be careful please." Kelly looked confused for a moment before she cracked up laughing._

_ Annabelle shook her head. "You sound like Andrea. Have fun in the USA." Polly shook her head and bundled herself in the back of the taxi. "I was being serious," She muttered to herself as she pulled out of the driveway._

_

* * *

_"Kelly, I'm being serious. Something nasty is happening here. Auntie says she called some old friends in, but they're probably going to be useless." Kelly chewed her lip at the other end of the line. "What's going on exactly 'Belle?" Annabelle hesitated and shuffling feet could be heard at the other end of the line. "Polly was right Kells." She paused again. "This is going to sound completely and utterly crazy, but I swear it's the truth..."

Kelly had hitched the first chopper out of Guatemala when they told her what was going on. At first, Kelly thought that it was a prank being pulled on her by the twins. They expected her, Kelly Jones... _the _Kelly Jones, to believe that dozens of St. Trinians' students were stopping drinking, biting, punching and being an anarchists just because they could. Then Annabelle told her, the cherry on top on the pie. Not a day after they change their complete attitude to life they would head to the roof and jump off it.

That had made her call in the old crew; girls that she could trust. Chelsea, who now ran her own high class escort service and was a minor film star, Andrea; a leading researcher into Greek and Egyptian occultism and mythology at the British Museum, Polly, and lastly Taylor who had until recently been in prison for a violent assault on Posh Spice. They'd only just reunited when Polly; a complete and utter genius, alerted them to something odd. Very, very odd. 1 female and 5 males had appeared out of nowhere onto the lawns, just avoiding one of the land mines. What was even more odd was that she had recognised one of them.

* * *

"His name's Samuel Winchester, he went to Stanford with me. Sat next to him in Calculus. Got a good brain..." She said frantically as she sat down in the chair in front of the closest computer, her fingers crazily moving. "He's got a... interesting history." She pulled up the US federal police force files on the two brothers and they all gathered around the screen, not too sure of what to expect next. "Both parents deceased. He was supposed to be dead along with his brother Dean Winchester. Then you have the nasty business with his girlfriend on campus. Died exactly the same way as his mother. House fire." She paled considerably. "I liked her. She was rather nice. Then he disappeared off campus never to be seen again."

Chelsea looked confusedly at the monitor. "So... he and his brother are still alive." She peered closer at the screens. "Him and his gorgeous brother." Andrea kicked Chelsea in the shin and got a nasty glare in return. "I think we should go down and meet 'em. I mean they appeared outta nowhere and we don't even know who 'ta chick and the other two people are. They could be...I dunno demons or someting." Andrea moved away from the computer screen, her voice dripping with malice and excitement. Annabelle and Kelly looked at each other and grinned. "Let's go."

"Where the hell is my car?"

* * *

Ms Fritton, the headmistress of St Trinian's School for Young Ladies was unperturbed as she walked to the front of the school and a rather swanky looking Impala appeared next to her with a small popping noise. Her eyes were firmly placed on the blonde woman who was flanked by a group of men that she didn't recognise. "Ruby!" She said suddenly, her voice chipper causing Dean and Kelly to wince. How did they know each other? Sam's eyes widened as he saw Polly. "Shit." He mumbled under his breath to Dean who was, of course ogling the women in front of him and not paying any attention to his, now on edge, brother. Not that Chelsea minded, or even Taylor who was playing with her shirt absentmindedly.

Ruby ran over to the headmistresses and kissed her on the cheek, the sun in silhouette behind her. "Milla! I haven't seen you in years. You don't look a day younger from when I taught you." The man in the trench coat blinked his face the picture of confusion. "You taught here, at this school? You are nothing but a harlot and this is a school." Ruby turned and glared at him, which made Gabriel stand between the two. Last thing they needed for was for internal bickering. "Yes, Castiel. I taught here. "

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_Yes, I've made it so Polly and Sam went to Stanford together. Polly isn't in the second movie and her going to another school covers the gap. _

_What do you think so far?  
_


	4. Don't mix business with pleasure

**Chapter 4: Never mix business with pleasure, unless you're Dean Winchester. **

_Introductions are had and Ruby is started to get unnerved by Andrea's hero worship. _

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The rest of the members of the two groups stared at each other in bewilderment. "Now... let's not stay out here and get a chill while we chat, let's go into my office, sit by a warm fire, drink some tea and we can take it from there." Camilla Fritton, still unaware of the confusion of the onlookers took an amused Ruby by the arm and led her up the stairs into the school. The two archangels followed warily, Bobby and Sam behind them, finally Dean at the rear but unmoving.

Taylor just stood there dumbfounded. "How the hell did that chick teach Fritton? She don't look that old do she?" Sam winced at the sound of her grating voice, how people's ears not bled while listening to her for extended periods, he didn't know. She wasn't even speaking to anyone in particular. Dean put on his poker face to try to stop himself from bursting into laughter as he risked a look at Sam who had already started walking up the steps to the school. "Ruby's much older than she looks, ain't that right Sammy?"

Kelly sighed and shook her head as she waited for the visitors to head inside the school; she was intent on bringing up the rear. Dean stopped, as if he could sense Kelly behind him. From what she could interpret, he had military training or something of the sort at least. Dean looked at her for a moment before grinning. "Ain't you a little old to still be at school?" Kelly raised an eyebrow as she gestured for him to keep moving. "I'm not. I work for the government. Kelly Jones. High-ranking MI-9 Agent currently stationed out in Mozambique and former head girl of St. Trinian's. I'm on leave courtesy of Mycroft Holmes, the head of MI-9."

Dean looked dazed before he let a low whistle out. "Well. I'm Dean Winchester. I ... kill stuff... err I'll let Ruby explain all this shit to you." His smile faded a little, he didn't like Ruby much. Of course he didn't. She had gone and fed his brother her blood and then brainwashed him into causing the apocalypse and letting out Lucifer... No, He wouldn't think about that. He wouldn't. Too late. Kelly looked at him coolly. "We'll leave introductions until we get to Camilla's office."

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Bobby sighed as he ambled his way up the winding staircase. "Bloody hate stairs." He mumbled under his breath. There was something off about the school. He could feel it. Then he literally felt it. He had walked straight into a woman in full camouflage gear and a large revolver slung over her shoulder. "Watch where you're going," They said gruffly to each other. Bobby isn't too sure of what happened after that. He thinks the woman knocked him out. He probably was, after all it was Miss Cleaver. She could get a bit rough at times.

* * *

Camilla laughed as she unlocked the door to her office. "This is it, right here." She opened it and beckoned the newcomers inside. "Come on dearies, take a seat. First off. "Names. I'm Camilla Fritton and I am the headmistress of this lovely school." A younger girl stood beside her in what seemed to be a modified school uniform that could double as party dress, if you were desperate. "This is my niece Annabelle Fritton. She graduated last year, head girl. Got us out of a nasty rutt with Sir Piers Pomfrey. Snotty piece of aristocratic filth he was."

Camilla pulled out another cigarette lighting it with her gun shaped lighter. "But that is a story for another time. Now, the other girlies. All former students, graduated with honours, might I add. That is Andrea." A girl with thick makeup nodded, her stare of adoration at Ruby was beginning to unnerve her. "Chelsea Parker." A tall blonde girl giggled nervously before waving, her eyes fluttering under the set of fake eyelashes. "Polly, fresh from Stanford." Polly nodded. Dean blinked before he turned to his brother and raised his eyebrow. Sam hesitated for a moment. "Yeah... you sat next to me in what was it..." His voice trailed off as he tried to remember. "I can't remember... it was so long ago now. Oh well."

Polly was already working furiously where she had set up her laptop and Sam, ever the nerd that he was walked up behind her and let out a low whistle admiring the piece of technology. "And lastly Taylor." A mean looking girl looked up before shrugging. "You all obviously, have met Kelly. You'll meet Miss Cleaver and Beverly later I suppose; god knows where they are... Beverly's probably splayed out somewhere pissed as an Irishman in a brewery. "

Camilla smiled manically, making the males in the room nervous. "Your turn dearie..." Ruby sighed and sat back in her chair pointing in turn to the people she was introducing. "Ruby, Demon. That's Sam and Dean Winchester. They're hunters. They kill things that go bump in the night. Ghost, ghouls, vampires, demons, so on and so bloody forth." Her voice soured a little. "Those two men over there are angels..." She rolled her eyes. "Gabriel and Castiel. Wait... where's Bobby?"

Castiel shrugged, his eyes flickering nervously over everyone. He really didn't like it here. It made him feel uncomfortable. Too much debauchery happened here. It would just be like Ruby to bring them to a diseased place like this.

Andrea just about wet herself with glee while the others look at the pair incredulously. "You expect us... to believe that those two are archangels and that you're a demon?" Taylor scoffed before standing up angrily. "You fucking around with us? I should give you a slap. We are stupid ya know we should ring ya necks with our bare hands." Taylor glared at Ruby accusingly, who was getting angrier by the second. The pint sized demoness blinked and her eyes became the colour of coal. "Now do you believe me?" She asked the now slightly cowering girl. Taylor nodded and Ruby relaxed, her eyes returning to their normal colour. "Good because I could really do with a Trinski." She grinned.

Now Dean was nervous.

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_Trinski Vodka is the drink that St Trinian's manufactures in the 2007 movie. _


	5. Interlude

**Interlude - What do you mean 'Don't shag the schoolgirls?'**

* * *

The next couple of days were spent getting to 'know' the St Trinian's graduates, to Sam and Castiel's chagrin, Gabriel and Dean's delight and Ruby's polite indifference that had a tiny shard of anger just simmering under the surface.

Dean and Gabriel had come up with the ingenious plan on being each other's wingman in an attempt to pursue the slightly unimpressed yet amused women. That, sadly had ended rather nastily when Taylor had suggested that they play a game of strip poker and Gabriel, the loser of that particular round had been forced to run around the school completely naked screaming something about Kali not being this stark mad. Gabriel, who hated being beaten in any way, shape, or form had threatened to then force Taylor into tv world, but had been stopped by Sam who had said something about giving him a booty call later if he didn't.

Dean, on the other hand, had found himself locked in a cupboard with a stark naked Andrea the next morning with no recollection of what had happened the previous night, which he had decided was probably a good thing. He could thank the school's manufactured Trinski Vodka for that. He prefers to act as if it had never happened.

Both Castiel and Sam had apologised profusely on behalf of their idiotic elder brothers, but that only garnered laughs from Kelly and Ms Fritton who tell them to both loosen up and have some vodka.

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

Bobby came around finally on the third day. He found himself lying on a king sized bed and next to him was a middle-aged woman with cropped blonde hair and no clothes on. He too was completely naked. "Damn idjits." He muttered as he attempted to sit up and find his clothes, to no avail.

The woman next to him stirred a little before sitting bolt upright. "You're going nowhere." She said gruffly, a slight sadistic grin plastered on her face. "Miss Cleaver ain't done with you yet, my roguishly handsome American." Bobby swallowed nervously, taking in her hardened features. She looked like she'd been in a war once, maybe as a teen, and she was probably an army brat. "I take it you're this Miss Cleaver then." The woman, Miss Cleaver nodded. "Sport teacher and weapons trainer." She winks. "But you already know that." She ghosts her hand over his chest and he couldn't help but shiver.

* * *

_I know it's ridiciously short, so please don't kill me. 6th Chapter will be up hopefully by Easter._


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